


it's harder to touch the things that are dearer

by pdameron



Category: Captain America (Movies), Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 04:10:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7559551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pdameron/pseuds/pdameron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Foggy loves Captain America. He has since he was a kid.</p><p>Matt kind of hates it. </p><p>A lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's harder to touch the things that are dearer

**Author's Note:**

> shout out to [gammadolphin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gammadolphin/pseuds/gammadolphin) for being my beta!!!! she's the best!!!

Foggy Nelson loved Captain America.

It was a known fact.

Matt had heard him drunkenly wax rhapsodic at least fifteen times during law school, and each time he’d ended up incredibly amused and only mildly jealous of the long-dead icon.

Apparently, Foggy had done a school project on the good captain in the fifth grade, and it had forever changed him. Matt had it on good authority (i.e. Marci) that Foggy’s side of their room had been littered with Captain America memorabilia, including three mugs, two posters, and a pillowcase. Foggy had been incredibly grateful when, upon their arrival at the Nelson House during their first Christmas together, he realized that Matt couldn’t see the Captain America shrine that was his childhood bedroom.

Still, Matt couldn’t blame Foggy for his obsession. After all, he’d read the comics before the accident, and he’d heard all the stories during history classes growing up. Steve Rogers had been a paragon of goodness, the textbook definition of a hero. If anything, Captain America deserved the love Foggy held for him.

But over the years, a resentment had grown within Matt toward the very idea of Captain America. Because here was the truth: sometimes, it felt like Matt had been in love with Foggy almost as long as Foggy had been with Steve Rogers. It ate him up inside to know that a man who’d been dead more than sixty years deserved Foggy more than he did. That a man who’d been dead more than sixty years had earned Foggy’s love so unconditionally.

Not that Matt didn’t think Foggy loved him. Foggy told him as much quite often. But Matt knew the difference between love and _in love_ , and Foggy’s heart told no lies. There was no increase in heartbeat, no quickening breath, no heat rising to his cheeks when Foggy looked at him, when Foggy told Matt he loved him.

Matt would have been able to hear the sighs Foggy let out when he talked about Captain America even without his enhanced senses.

It was infuriating.

 

 

***************

 

 

Captain America was alive, and he’d just defeated an alien army (with some serious help, but not that you would know that, with the way Foggy tells it).

It was Matt’s worst nightmare.

Once Foggy had gotten over the initial Holy Shit moment, the talk about Steve Rogers had increased tenfold.

_“Can you imagine what it must be like to suddenly wake up the 21st century? God, everything must be so strange for him. I mean, the size of our tvs alone…”_

_“It must be really sad for him to know that all his war buddies and childhood friends are either dead or incredibly old.”_

_“God, can you imagine Captain America trying to use the internet? What if he googles himself? Do you have any idea how many porn parodies there are of him out there?”_

_“Do you think he’s read his biographies? Do you think he’s written to the authors about what they got wrong?”_

_“Oh my god, Matt, he’s probably never had Cheetos!”_

When Karen came along, she found his enthusiasm for all things Steve Rogers endearing. Matt could see how she would think that; she wasn’t madly in love with Foggy, didn’t burn with jealousy every time that goddamn superhero’s name came up.

Still, Matt was handling it.

Besides, the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen was the polar opposite of Captain America.

And Foggy hated the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.

 

 

*****************

 

 

Foggy found out.

Foggy left.

Matt’s world fell apart. His heart splintered and cracked. He was empty, and lost, and lonelier than he’d ever been, it felt like. Maybe this was why Stick said not to form attachments: if he’d just distanced himself from Foggy, Matt wouldn’t have ever felt this kind of pain again. The kind of grief he’d felt after he’d found his father dying.

Foggy came back, of course. He picked up the pieces, put Matt back together slowly but surely. Things weren’t perfect between them, but Foggy was there, and that was all that mattered.

Foggy didn’t approve of Daredevil, or at least Matt being Daredevil. But he accepted Matt. And that was more than Matt could have ever hoped for.

 

 

**********************

 

 

Captain America showed up at the door of their law firm, and Matt knew he was being punished for his sins. That was the only explanation. The Lord was testing him, making him suffer, as penance for...being Matt.

It was Steve Rogers himself, accompanied by the Black Widow, and a woman who introduced herself as Maria Hill.

Needless to say, Matt handled the talking for the first fifteen minutes, as Foggy struggled to form coherent words. His heartbeat was racing. His palms were sweating. He was almost definitely blushing.

Matt had done some shitty things, but he wasn’t sure he deserved this.

 

 

*************

 

 

It got worse.

Rogers, Romanoff, and Hill were here to talk about Daredevil. Matt took a moment to seriously consider backflipping out the window, secret identity be damned, before he smiled politely and led them to the conference room.

“We’re just concerned, is all,” Hill started, somehow managing to sound placating and threatening at the same time. “He’s acting outside the law, with no one to answer to. The police don’t seem to have any inclination to arrest him, after Fisk, and there’s no organization like S.H.I.E.L.D. to keep him in check anymore. You know him, don’t you? He went to you with information on Fisk. With witnesses for the prosecution.”

Matt smiled wanly. “If by ‘know him’, you mean coming to work and finding stacks of files and evidence on your desk, then yes, we know him.”

Black Widow leaned forward. Matt found her a little terrifying, in all honesty. Reputation aside, he’d never heard a heartbeat so willfully even, or heard anyone move so silently. Even her breathing felt sneaky. “He’s dangerous. He might think he’s doing good, but what happens when he goes too far? Terrorizing criminals is one thing, but terrorizing the people of New York is another matter entirely.”

“He did take down Fisk,” Matt said pointedly. “I like to think he actually did some good, and didn’t just _think_ he did.”

“Just because he had a vested interest in taking down Fisk doesn’t mean he’s on the side of the angels.”

Matt felt his eye twitch at the unintentional devil joke. Angels, indeed. Before he could respond, Karen spoke up.

“But what about the small things? He stops muggings, beats up child abusers. He saved my life, once.”

Romanoff shrugged. “I beat up a few assholes in my time as an assassin. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t working for the wrong people, and doing the wrong thing most of the time.”

Foggy finally spoke up. “What exactly are you asking of us?”

Rogers responded, sounding just as earnest and righteous as he did in all his interviews, as he did when Matt had imagined him as a kid. “This guy, Daredevil, he’s a thug. He’s dangerous, and needs to be kept in check. We’ve tried to make contact, but he’s avoided us at every turn. Beating up the bad guys is not the same as being one of the good guys. We just need to find him, make him talk. Figure out his motives.”

Matt went to answer, but Foggy beat him to it. “Well, like Matt said, our interactions with him were pretty much entirely one sided during the Fisk case, and he hasn’t made any attempts to talk since then. I’m afraid we won’t be able to help you.”

“Anything you can tell us would be a help. Anyone else he talks to, any contacts in the police force. We’d really appreciate it, Mr. Nelson.”

But Foggy only shook his head. “Like I said, we’re pretty much useless to you on this front. Unless you need any legal advice, I’m not sure we can do anything for you, Captain Ame - Rogers.”

“But - ”

Foggy stood decisively. Matt followed his lead, bemused. “We’ve got a pretty full schedule today, and our next client should be arriving any minute now. If you’d like to revisit this discussion, feel free to take a card and make and appointment.”

He led the three of them out of the conference room and toward the door. Matt was completely baffled. They had no such clients, and had been planning on spending the day trying to fix the fax machine before their visitors showed up. Foggy had wanted to meet Captain America for years, and he was practically shoving him out the door. They said their goodbyes, took a card, and started to head out.

But Foggy called out one last time. “Oh, and Captain Rogers? If Daredevil is just a thug, what does that make you and your friends?”

Rogers paused, before nodding a little stiffly. Matt was almost certain he was smiling. “Point taken, counselor.”

Once they were gone, Foggy turned to Matt and Karen. “Right. Fax machine? I’m not that handy with a screwdriver, but my method of thumping things until they start working works about sixty percent of the time.”

Matt just stood there, frozen in shock. Had Foggy really just…?

Foggy went into his office to find the toolkit he kept there for fax machine-related problems.

“Foggy, you - ”

“What’s up, buddy? You have an idea about the fax? Oh god, can you smell which parts are broken? Can you taste the circuitry in the air? Because that would be cool, but really weird.”

Foggy didn’t wait for an answer, walking back into the main room grumbling about outdated technology and contemplating whether it would be legal to throw the machine out the window and onto the street below.

 

 

***********************

 

 

Matt had gone home early, complaining of a headache. It was a blatant lie, and one that Foggy could easily see through, but Matt didn’t care. He was still reeling from the events of that morning.

Foggy had defended him. He’d defended _Daredevil_. This wasn’t entirely new: Foggy wasn’t the kind of person to just stand by while people are wrongfully judged, even if he didn’t entirely approve of their behavior.

But Foggy had defended Daredevil in front of Captain America.

Not only had Foggy protected Matt, but he’d challenged his childhood hero, the self-proclaimed love of his life, for Matt.

Matt had no idea what to do with his information. What did it mean? Why would Foggy do that for him? He thought Foggy was still angry with him about the whole Lying-About-Daredevil thing, and here he was, calling Captain America a thug on his behalf.

“-Matt? Matty?”

Matt jumped, startled. He’d been so lost in thought he hadn’t even heard Foggy come up the stairs toward his apartment. That in itself was a testament to how frazzled Matt was: he was always hyper-aware of Foggy, from his heartbeat to the way his shampoo smelled.

He walked over to his door, opening it with what he hoped was his most charming grin.

Foggy wasn’t fooled.

“Wow, Matt. That smile is more forced than the one you made when Captain America introduced himself,” Foggy said, elbowing his way into the apartment and flipping on the lights (which Matt hadn’t been using. Obviously). “Which, incidentally, is why I’m here. What the fuck is up with you and Captain America?”

Okay, so they’re doing this now, apparently.

“Nothing! There’s nothing up! If anything, things are down,” Matt paused. “Not that I’m down with Captain America. We don’t hang out.”

“Did you actually say something meaningful just now, or were those just words thrown together?”

Matt sighed. “I don’t have a problem with Captain America, except with the fact that he has a problem with me.”

Foggy was silent for a time, hands on his hips, before he paused. “I’m glaring at you right now, just so you know.”

“I figured.”

“You’re full of shit,” he said. Matt sputtered, but Foggy pushed on. “When the three of them showed up, I thought you were going to strain something with how forced your smile was. I have never seen you so uncomfortable, and this includes that time you walked in on me and Marci.”

It hadn’t been as uncomfortable with Marci, because Foggy hadn’t been in love with Marci. Not that Matt was about to tell Foggy that.

“I honestly don’t know what you’re - ”

“Can it, Matt. I thought we agreed. No more lying.”

“Foggy, I - ” he paused, gesturing helplessly. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Something true.”

“I don’t like Captain America, okay? I just don’t. Haven’t for years, now.”

Foggy was silent again, dropping his hands from his hips in surprise. “I’m gaping at you in disbelief, just so you know. The face I’m making is one of disbelief. What on earth could make you dislike Captain America, of all people? He’s like, the definition of goodness.”

“Well, if you like him so much, why did you bother to defend Daredevil?” Matt snapped without thinking. He froze, immediately regretting his words.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

The floodgates had opened, and Matt couldn’t help himself. He was still so confused, and he wanted answers. “Why would you say all those things to him? He’s your favorite person.”

Foggy stepped forward, sitting down on the couch. He patted the cushion next to him, and Matt sat down accordingly. “I think you’re a bit confused, buddy. You’re my favorite person. Have been since like, week two of law school.”

What?

“What?”

He could hear Foggy shaking his head as he chuckled ruefully. “Matt, there’s no contest. You’re more important to me than Captain America. Why the fuck would you think anything else?”

“But- you talk about him all the time! You love him! He’s your hero! The love of your life! You’ve said so at least thirty times!”

“Matt, it’s called a celebrity crush. People have them,” he paused, then burst out laughing. “Oh my god, do you not like Captain America because you’re jealous?”

Matt felt his ears start to turn red. “No. That would be ridiculous.”

His denial only made Foggy laugh harder.

Matt ran his hand through his hair anxiously. Well, he was already in too deep, might as well go for it. “It’s just - you loved him so much, and he’s everything I’m not. He’s kind and noble and heroic and good and everything you deserve I’m just -” he sighed, chuckling ruefully. “Well, I’m the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. Pretty much as far from Captain America as you can get.”

Foggy's laughter died down at that. He moved until he was kneeling in front of Matt on the couch. He took his hands, gently. “Listen up, Murdock, because you need a reality check. Captain America is great. Really. He’s saved the world what, three times at this point? But that’s the thing: Captain America is a superhero. But you’re _my_ hero, Matt. You were even before I found out about this whole Daredevil thing. You’re so strong, Matty. You care so much, about everyone. And you’re so passionate! You throw yourself into everything you do, headlong, without even thinking. You’re so good that it eats you up inside not to do something about it. You’re so good you can’t stop yourself from saving people, even if the whole world is against you. Matt, you spend so much time focusing on everyone else that you don’t even notice how amazing you are. So stop talking about how you don’t deserve me. We should all try a little harder to deserve you, Daredevil.”

Matt could taste salt in the air, could tell that Foggy was tearing up as he spoke. He choked back a sob and lunged forward, pressing his lips against Foggy’s, his hands wrapped tightly in his hair. Foggy let out what could only be described as a shocked squeak.

Matt felt his blood run cold. He pulled back sharply, scrambling to the other end of the couch. What had he done? Foggy was being so kind and sweet, and Matt just had to go and ruin the moment, and possibly their friendship, with his fucking feelings.

“What was that?”

“Nothing! It was nothing!”

Foggy advanced toward him, sitting back on the couch, right in Matt’s space. “Oh, really? Because I’m pretty sure you kissed me, just now. One might even say that you mauled me.”

Foggy’s heartbeat was racing, but that could mean anything: he could be furious, for all Matt knew.

Matt was pretty sure he was going to start crying again. He hoped Foggy wouldn’t judge him to harshly. “I’m sorry - I just - ”

He was cut off when Foggy pressed his lips to his own. It was a chaste kiss, quick and gentle, and Foggy was gone almost as soon as he appeared. Matt just sat there, blushing and sputtering, completely at a loss.

“If you would have waited a moment before freaking the fuck out for no reason, I would have kissed you back. I’ve been in love with you forever. I thought you knew. You know, because of the whole - ” Foggy made a broad gesture that Matt knew was in reference to his abilities. He could only shake his head numbly.

“I - but - your heartbeat - it’s always the same. You - ”

“Matt, my heart stopped racing every time you walked in the room a long time ago. Maybe you got used to what my heart sounds like when I’m with you.”

Matt said nothing, opting to kiss Foggy again, cradling the other man’s face in his hands. After a while, he pulled back, resting his forehead against Foggy’s. “I’ve always loved you. Since the beginning. But I never dreamed - I never thought you’d ever - You love me?” He whispered, almost afraid to wreck this perfect moment.

Foggy kissed him again, and Matt could feel the smile against his own mouth.

“Yeah. Way more than Captain America.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on [tumblr](https://senatorgana.tumblr.com)! come talk to me! be my friend!
> 
> edit: fixed some typos :)


End file.
